Just a Vent Here On Relatives

Posted on: Fri, 04/07/2000 - 12:27am
Christine's picture
Joined: 02/03/1999 - 09:00

I probably shouldn't even post this or be so critical but I can't help myself!!! My in-laws have arrived from out of town. They live about 8 hours away and we only see them a few times a year. They are well aware of my son's peanut allergy; however, since they are not around us all of the time I don't expect them to be experts. They used to send candy all the time for certain holidays like Easter and Halloween (Snicker, Reese's, etc) for the kids. Early on, I told them that Evan could not eat it, so please quit sending it and that my non-PA daughter didn't really need it anyway. They did at least do that. Well, they arrived a few days ago. I noticed yesterday morning on my kitchen counter a box of peanut brittle candy. Now, I don't know WHO this is for. The box is unopened and sitting there. Now, honestly, of ALL the kinds of candy in the world did they have to bring peanut brittle??? I haven't said anything to them yet because no one has even broken the seal on the box but I will should anyone start to even think they're going to munch on this in my home. THEN, they went to the grocery store yesterday and came home with a store-bought Rocky Road cake topped with nuts. Now, my son can't eat it anyway because of his egg allergy, but don't you think the obvious nuts would have made them think??? The hidden stuff I can forgive. People who don't live with this really don't know, but peanut brittle, come on!!!! I know if I mentioned this to my mother-in-law she would freak for being so stupid and probably leave my home because she would be disgusted with herself, so I'm just trying to be very careful. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent on the stupidity.

Posted on: Fri, 04/07/2000 - 1:14am
kristene's picture
Joined: 09/27/1999 - 09:00

pI know exactly how you feel. My son is allergic to milk and eggs, and it took a while for others to catch on that things besides fried eggs and a glass of milk were off limits. I can remember going to a Baptism and looking over to see my aunt, who loves him dearly, put a piece of cheesecake in his mouth. And she is an R.N./p
pThe only thing I know is you have to point it out. That is the way we have all learned, is my our mistakes. I always try to add a story of one of my own (and there were many!) mistakes with foods to let them know they are not alone./p
pGood luck,/p

Posted on: Fri, 04/07/2000 - 8:47am
katiee's picture
Joined: 05/09/2001 - 09:00

pHi Christine,/p
pBoy do I know how you feel. I find our lives have become more and more isolated since we found out about Wade's PA, for some reason, family members just don't seem to get it. I am now in the habit of trying to host most family functions myself in order to avoid potentially dangerous situations with Wade but sometimes it can't be avoided. We are attending my mom's B-Day party at my sister's house tomorrow and I know for sure that the cake will be off limits for Wade, how am I supposed to keep a 2 year old away from a YUMMY looking B-Day cake? I am bringing along another (safe) one so that he will also have a treat. My sister seems to think I am turning into some kind of zealot with regard to Wade's allergy, and she is an RN!! Go figure./p
pTake care,/p

Posted on: Thu, 04/20/2000 - 5:12pm
gw_mom3's picture
Joined: 02/14/2000 - 09:00

pChristine-I know just how you feel. Every holiday is held at my mother-in-law 's. Every time she puts nuts/peanuts in every single dessert item and some non-dessert items. Obviously she doesn't have a clue about how dangerous this is for my PA/TNA daughter (despite the fact that I've given her several things to read).Two christmases ago, my husband's nephew offered my daughter a bite of a cookie with nuts. (she was 3 at the time). Thank God my husband was close by and stopped him. Last summer my in-laws had an anniversary party. The ones (siblings) who supposedly organized the party refused to exclude peanuts/nuts from the party. I stayed home with the kids. (To my father-in-law's credit, he refused to let them put the nuts out.) We have quit going for thanksgiving and only go at christmas after the meal (still risky, in my opinion.) I actually bought safe easter candy (from vermont nut-free and ghirardelli) for my mother-in-law to put in the kids' easter baskets. I will not be shocked if she ends up putting additional candy in it that my kids can't have. A few months ago she bought them some Keebler cookies. When she asked me if they could have it, I told her that I didn't know, I had called Keebler (not toll-free) and was waiting for them to call me back. I even mentioned what a hassle that is. I'll be d**ned if she didn't turn around and buy another package of the same thing a few days later. Sorry this is so long, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. (Yes, I'm venting). If it weren't for the fact that the kids love their grandparents, I'd never take them over there. As it is, it is so stressful for me having to keep an eagle eye on them every time we're there(3 kids-only one has been tested so far, the other two are younger and we just avoid highly allergenic foods for them too). You are definitely not alone--thanks for listening!!/p

Posted on: Sat, 04/22/2000 - 3:11pm
rilira's picture
Joined: 11/11/1999 - 09:00

pI thank God my in laws live in another state (for many reasons). My husband and I have been very adamant about our daughters allergy and have given them info. to read. This past Xmas we even said unless they removed all nut products we would not come. They did and everything was fine. Just a couple of weeks ago my husband was talking to his Dad on the phone telling him how we had just been through all our meetings with the school planning our 504. My father in law said what for? Which my husband replied Rachel's food allergy. Do you know what my father in law said? "What allergy?"!!!!! I about died. Where has he been the last 3 years! He said I didn't realize it was a big deal!! It made me realize he had tuned out every single conversation etc.. etc.. we had ever had concerning this.Keep in mind this is their one and only Grandchild who they profess to love so much. People just drive me insane sometimes!!!!/p

Posted on: Fri, 04/28/2000 - 5:20am
Yankee's picture
Joined: 03/08/2000 - 09:00

pI cannot even comprehend how difficult it must be for you parents of small children to deal with this allergy. It's difficult enough managing it for my 25 year old self! I found out about my PA when I was 16 years old. It took all this time, and FINALLY my family members and friends understand the severity of it. I have had relatives become annoyed and insulted when I won't eat the dessert they've prepared or whatever. If I don't read the label myself, I don't eat it, and it took all this time for them to get the picture. Now everyone is really careful, my aunt wouldn't even put a prepackaged honey glaze on the Easter ham because it wasn't labeled! Just continue to be vigilant, and don't back down. Eventually everyone will get it!/p

Posted on: Thu, 05/11/2000 - 5:10am
michelle's picture
Joined: 01/25/1999 - 09:00

pI know what you all mean. It took me about 4 years to finally feel like most of the family gets it. My last run in with the in-laws was 2 1/2 years ago, I had just got in with my new born and my patients level was zero. I walked in my kitchen and there were peanut shells on the counter. I lost it! Who's are these I yelled? My father in-law meekly says I could not find the trash can. I kinda let him have it made him clean out his pockets and wash his hands. Told him he could not kiss the kids and on-on. I had mixed feelings about it later. (I hate to hurt anyones feelings) Now they all get it or at least don't want to see my evil side. Just thought I would share!/p

Posted on: Thu, 05/11/2000 - 1:46pm
ihatepeanuts's picture
Joined: 04/08/2000 - 09:00

pYankee: I just have to ask, Did you everbr /
eat peanut butter or food with peanuts inbr /
it before you were 16? It almost seems thatbr /
you would have. Did you ever have abr /
reaction? Or did you develope this allergybr /
later in life and what prompted the discoverybr /
of the allergy at age 16? Sorry if I ambr /
being nosey. I'm just very curious about it.br /

Posted on: Fri, 05/12/2000 - 2:07am
DavisGal's picture
Joined: 07/12/1999 - 09:00

pAt Christmas, my grandmother brought several peanut desserts, including peanut butter fudge and peanut brittle. She thought it'd be okay as long as he didn't eat any. We let her know that no one could hug or kiss him if they ate any of it. We removed all the stuff from the house and the incident did make a big impression on her! I must say... my whole family has been so supportive about my son's pa. We lived with my parents for the first five years of his life so they are VERY aware of the situation. Now that I've got a serious boyfriend.... I'm going to have to deal with his side of the family. So far everything has been okay./p

Posted on: Mon, 05/15/2000 - 2:22am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

pAs I read these posts here and think about my own situation, I am on the verge of tears. Shortly after my daughter was diagnosed with the pa, we went to my husband's brother's home for a birthday party. Upon arrival, we discovered that my brother-in-law deep fried the turkey in peanut oil. When we reminded him of our daughter's allergy, he simply said he didn't even think of it. /p
pAt Easter, my sister-in-law (married to the same brother-in-law) was preparing a snack to bring to my house and nearly put peanut butter in it. Fortunately, I informed my nephews of my daughter's allergy and they reminded my sister-in-law. /p
pLast week we attended another birthday party at their house and on the counter was a bowl of chex mix with peanuts in it. I spotted it right away and told my husband not to let her have any. Naturally, after my daughter saw my nephew snacking on a *cheezit* from the bowl, she wanted one. After some whining on my daughter's part, my sister-in-law finally put it away. /p
pYesterday we went there for mother's day. My daughter and I were sitting at the table and my brother-in-law placed a banana nut cake in front of us. I don't know for sure if there was actually peanuts in it, but to be safe we have forbidden any "nut" products to be consumed by my daughter. She did not test positive for any other nuts, but she is too young yet to know the difference, so we don't give her ANYTHING with ANY nut products./p
pNow, what do you think??? Are these people testing me??? I feel like they think I am being over protective. Some of my in-laws have been guilty of the "eye roll" when they spot me checking labels. One part that bothers me is that I think people think I am overreacting. But worse than that, my daughter's safety is at issue. How do I make these people get it???/p


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