told I can\'t attend all parties

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 9:28am
luvmyboys's picture
Joined: 05/25/2006 - 09:00

My kindergartener has a 504. My understanding was that I would be allowed to attend all parties (there are 3) for safety reasons. However I guess this was overlooked in our 504 because it only says that I will be involved in planning safe food. Well the homeroom mother just called and said I can coordinate all food but it woud be impossible for me to attend all parties. Only 5 moms are allowed to attend and the two homeroom moms must attend leaving only 9 spots a year...wouldn't be fair ya know?

She caught me by surprise and I said it would not be a safe situation for ds and that he would have to stay home if this was the case. I will contact the nurse (she said she would contact the principal and teacher as if it's any of her business). What do I do now if they say no? I just got done coordinating aparty for my 4 yr old with another mom of an allergic boy and it was complicated. There is NO WAY they will tolerate the level of control I want over the food unless I provide it all. And the only way I will allow him at the party without myself present is if I provide it all.

Do I need to request a reconvening of the 504 team for this edit? request an aide? they can't expect a 6 year old to choose what is safe from among an extensive food selection...that's ridiculous. And I don't allow him to eat so much as apples cut by someone else.

BTW I was told it wouldn't be FAIR for me to be homeroom mother every year...they have a POLICY controlling this and a TASK FORCE that came up with the homeroom mother selection process..please...


Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 9:59am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

We are in the exact same boat. We remembered to add ourselves in as extra for the field trips on the 504(not being counted as one of the needed parents), but not the parties.
I already spoke to the teacher, and she wants me there. They have 3 open spots for the other parents, and I am an extra. How this will be handled at the office is a whole other story. I figure it is worth the fight.
I also would not allow my child to be there with "stranger" food, and not me.
Which is a problem because there are 2 parties that NO parents are allowed at, however the parents provide the food. I figure I will be stopping in that day to check all of the food, and if any of it is not good DD will come home with me.
And we will have our own party then I can take it up with the school the next day....
Good Luck!!

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 10:12am
TwokidsNJ's picture
Joined: 05/28/2005 - 09:00

Luckily our Kindergarten teacher is letting me attend all parties (no 504 here). I am viewed as an extra and she wants me there.
After just going thru the halloween party, I am relieved I was there. Even though we had a planning meeting, there were snacks I didn't know about, plus a cookie decorating project I was not thrilled about safety-wise and precedent-wise. Luckily the cookie project ended up falling thru (and my backup cupcakes saved the day! LOL!) which was good b/c the mom making them was a horrible communicator. THe class moms got the point about how that type of activity becomes so risky. Luckily they have been great, and understanding.
I'm hoping I can attend parties every year, it really ensures the safety of my allergic child.

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 10:38am
momma2boys's picture
Joined: 03/14/2003 - 09:00

Wow. I go to anything I want. I'm always the only one there. We can't get any parents to show up for stuff like this.

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 10:42am
Corvallis Mom's picture
Joined: 05/22/2001 - 09:00

I'd ask who is willing to "assume liability for XXXXX (your child) during these high-risk times in his classroom" if they decree that they don't want you there.
And furthermore, I think I'd be proactive about it-- as in an e-mail to the classroom teacher, nurse, and principal. Something about exceptional risk, breaking routine, yadda-yadda-yadda... and [i]clearly[/i] this must have just been a misunderstanding on the part of this room mother.
My guess is that the school WANTS you there. Wouldn't be happy any other way...
But I'd go in loaded for bear with information about how school reactions tend to happen in classrooms where food is brought in for celebrations/crafts. It is VERY high risk, and they should be aware that they are excluding you when their risk is highest. Liability. Bad juu-juu.

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 10:56am
luvmyboys's picture
Joined: 05/25/2006 - 09:00

After a "Thursday night family room dance party" with my boys I've worked of some of my nervous energy that followed my conversation with the homeroom mother. I am anxious because I dread he possibility of confrontation with the school staff nor am I happy how I handled myself with the mother of my son's classmate, whom I do not know. I despise confrontation! So I could really use some help from those of you with te gift of eloquence (which I do not have) in figuring out what to say in my dialogue with the nurse, principal and teacher.
After thinking about it, I see it this way. In order to provide an acceptable level of safety during the party I must either:
1) provide ALL food (safe and a temporary solution but not really a fair long term solution unless they plan on paying me for the food for the 18 parties each of my children will have over their elementary careers. besides moms get weird about being told they can't provide any food or drink EVER!)
2) work to insure there is nothing contains or blatantly may contains and that ds can partake in a majority of the food, and attend the party to keep a watchful eye, insuring he eats only what is safe without placing an unfair burden on him or the teacher and to keep him from being socially excluded (because obviously I could provide his own food but this would make him stand out from his classmates).
so where do I stand, what do I say, who do I copy on my email ye of great experience and wisdom?
edited to say - thank you CorvallisMom...we were posting at the same time!
[This message has been edited by luvmyboys (edited November 02, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 11:43am
anonymous's picture
Joined: 05/28/2009 - 16:42

I know how you feel, especially being new at it. After a few years it gets easier.
Being different is something our kids have to get used to because they ARE different.
Starting in K, (4 years ago) I attended all functions and field trips. Sometimes (more than I care to remember), I felt unwelcomed but I didn't care.
My dd loved having me there and I felt less anxiety. She was AND IS my number one concern. Not what other parents think.
I would, and did, go to ALL the parties where there is/was food involved. I would bring my own safe food. I made her favourites and explained over and over and over how she IS different and that is why she was getting different foods. I always promised something special after school to make up for it. (I don't have to do that anymore) She understands a LOT better now in grade 4 and I'm starting to let go a bit. I still check all food brought in but I know she will not eat any of it unless I ok it.
You'll have to tell the teacher you're going to be there, even if it is to stand in a corner.

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 11:48am
TwokidsNJ's picture
Joined: 05/28/2005 - 09:00

Don't think conversation, think documentation. This needs to be in a letter, cc'd to the right people (teacher, nurse, principal, and NOT the class mom). Corvallis had great language for the letter.
I've realized early on that everything needs to be documented, or nothing happens.
Good luck - please update us!

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 1:34pm
NicoleinNH's picture
Joined: 06/21/2003 - 09:00

[This message has been edited by NicoleinNH (edited June 09, 2007).]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 1:42pm
luvmyboys's picture
Joined: 05/25/2006 - 09:00

OK what do you think? I will try to edit this out later just in case =)...Luvmyboys
***letter edited out...don't want anyone at the school to identify me and follow this thread***
[This message has been edited by luvmyboys (edited November 03, 2006).]

Posted on: Thu, 11/02/2006 - 1:44pm
JenniferKSwan's picture
Joined: 06/19/2006 - 09:00

Can I ask what the reasoning is behind only allowing so many parents at class parties? This is just odd to me. I'm not welcome at my child's school at anytime? That just reeks of fishy to me.
In some ways I understand why only so many parents are allowed on field trips due to space constraints and insurance risks. Too bad though - I (or my dh or mil) plan to be at every off campus event, even if it means driving ourselves.
Granted I don't have kids old enough to be in school yet...just doing that research and trying to have all ducks in a row. Y'all are paving a wonderful road for Aiden adn I really appreciate it!
Mommy to Aiden (1/26/05) PA,wheat,barley,soy,egg and others yet to be discovered and Connor (7/21/06) with possible egg allergy


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