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Husband wont take our daughters allergy seriously!

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Dealing with a severe allergy is stressful under the best of circumstances. My son is/was hyper sensitive to peanuts. We spent many evenings in the E.R. And I understand the anger that boils up when you or your spouse make a mistake. When my son was three, we were on a car trip, 200 miles from nowhere and my wife gave him gummy snacks that ""might contain"" peanuts. I was furious... until I realized that I had missed the label when I purchased the snacks. Oops.

This sounds like a different issue than an allergy. You seem to have a power struggle going on. You and your husband obviously do not agree on what is safe. Yelling at him is only going to harden the concrete and separate you and he. Either you and your husband have not taken the time to come to an agreement on how to deal with this allergy, your husband does not feel the allergy is as serious as you do, or you are over reacting and your husband is under reacting, it could be any of those and a dozen more. This sounds like a martial issue that is surfacing because of the allergy and not just an allergy issue. I would consider seeking the help of a marital counselor and maybe also schedule a visit together with your allergist (without your kids) to discuss how severe the allergy is and come up with a plan that you both can live with. You need to be united and the only way that will happen is if your marriage is strong. Joint custody is the other option and you have less control in a divorce situation than you do now. Fix the rift.

As a side note, we drove my son 1000 miles a week to Dr. Sam Foster where he underwent desensitization treatment once a week for 25 weeks. It was a burden financially and emotionally, but in the end, it was worth a change in lifestyle to know that my son can go on band trips without fear of dying. He started off reacting severely to a microscopic dose (1/8000th of a peanut) and then Last night, he ate three peanut butter cookies and ten full peanuts without any reaction. There are options that dont involve isolation and fear.

I feel for you, me and my husband herero all of our nut products at work far away from Lil man and we brush our teeth before we see him in the afternoons after work. We have both experienced my sonsallergy first hand so we are aware that it is not something to play with we realize that there is no way we can eat any type of nut products due to how severe his allergy is. We also realized that each episode he has will always increase to get worse and all it takes is one silly mishap for that precious life to be taken from us which unfortunately happens all to often in the usa, that can be prevented very easily with simple steps from caring adults. If that doesnt work then simply remind him that if he doesnt straighten up he can get in trouble as being seen as a negligent parent with putting his child in hands way. Sometimes ask it takes is to remind then they are a parent and they are held responsible for this Childs life whether they realize it or not. Good luck, I know its a hard road sometimes, but its your job as a parent to protect youre child from harm any way possible.

I feel for you. I had a similar incident years ago when my son was very young. I was livid but while I initially didnt say anything, my husband knew I was angry and I blew. I exploded on him. He realized immediately he was wrong and apologized. It never happened again.
I agree that you perhaps need to make him understand how dangerous it can be if by chance your child is exposed or accidentally ingests through even cross contamination.
Take him with you to the allergist and have the allergist explain it to him.
Good luck to you. I have been doing this with my child since hes a baby & now hes a teenager.

I believe every parent should do what they think is best for their own child. However, that being said, when a doctor diagnoses a severe peanut allergy they usually make the recommendation of strict nut avoidance. If your child was allergic to cats would you bring cats into your house?
I think the one safe place a child should be able to count on is home. The day I was told my son has a severe life threatening peanut allergy, and his numbers were so high they were way above the max number listed. So he was just classed as a high class six the dr said. He recommended strict avoidance. I threw out everything in my house that contained any peanuts in it. I was not about to run the risk that something he ate in his own home could possibly be cross contaminated with a peanut containing product. Everyone in my house, my husband and other kids had to learn to adapt. And they did.
I knew I could not control the outside peanut world my son would be exposed to but that is where I taught him to look, watch out for, to ask questions, how to read labels and basically not eat food offered to him by others without reading the label first. If there is any doubt he knows to not take any chances.
Granted what works for one may not work for another, but if anyone came to my home they knew my strict rule of no peanuts / tree nut products in my home.
Ive had to use the epipen on my son once. His allergist actually commended me that as severe as my sons multiple food allergies are that Ive only had to use it once. He commented that most of his patients have been to the ER numerous times for accidental ingestions and cross contact contamination.
But when I read the severity of a reaction trace amount of peanut product can cause, it became my religion to make sure that hopefully I could insure he knew in his home he was safe.
I think its sad that any parent wouldnt do the same. Why not hust let them play Russian roulette with a loaded gun. Its basically the same thing for anyone with a severe peanut allergy.

I am so sorry for your LO and her reactions, poor baby.
Here is another possibility. From the psychological perspective, husbands worry more about spouse and mothers more about children.
It is also possible that your husband might be doing this because he is secretly really afraid for your daughter and this is his way of dealing with this. ""See I ate this bar and she was OK, you need to relax, she will be OK, she will grow out of this."" Some people when faced with life altering and extremely stressful situations react this way. He could also be stuck in the denial stage of grieving. Whatever the reason i wold encourage a counseling session to get to the bottom of it. Dealing with life threatening food allergies is emotionally exhausting, life changing and you do need a safe environment for your LO. A home should be that.

Thank you for your post, I think that this is such an important topic and one that so many PA families deal with on a daily basis, and its also quite the debate as Ive had this debate with family and friends before. There are family and friends that take this very seriously and ones that take it far too lightly. Its almost like it will take a critical situation in order for them to snap out of it and get serious. If you can remain a totally peanut free home then that is ideal. But I do understand the other side of the argument as well. I always try to be compassionate about it because regardless of what I am going through I try to think about what my family has given up to keep me safe. Theyve brought peanut products into the house before but we keep it totally separate from any foods that I consume and they will take it to their own room and throw out containers and wrappers in the trash bin outside after consumption. They are very careful. It is rare that theyve done this but if they have they will let me know ahead of time. Weve tried to find a happy medium to keep everyone happy.

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